Shortly after signing on with WordPress my email blew up with messages from them like:
Thank you for using WordPress.com! You’re welcome!
…check out our tutorials… Currently my holy grail.
You have special access to a bunch of new features. Great! More headaches to choose from.
Have fun! If only.
And my favorite: Just play around, you won’t break us. That one actually made me laugh out loud.
I can’t tell you how many times Bob was greeted with computer woes when he came through the door after a hard day’s work. Or how many times he would mournfully ask: “What did you do?” To the which I was mystified and would honestly reply: “I don’t know.” If there’s a way to break WordPress I will be the one to find it. Let me take this moment to apologize in advance to any of you who use this service if your site suddenly crashes without reason. Don’t worry, it’ll fix. Bob has always fixed it here in our house so I’m sure a professional team can manage my faux pas.
For days now I have logged onto my site, roamed around, and wondered what to do, how to do it and what to write. I have writer’s block so bad that I could build a two-car garage with all the block I’ve collected. I wrote 2 drafts and decided I didn’t particularly care for either one of them. So I returned to my emails and revisited all of the things WordPress sent me in hopes that their knowledge will somehow miraculously be absorbed by my brain until the writer’s block passes. Then I think to myself:
LORD, really? A technological idiot cut loose on the web. What were You thinking? Yes, I love to write–with a pen and notebook paper. But, this? Couldn’t this have waited a few more years when everything will be voice activated and I can just tell WordPress what I want and they’ll make it so instead of Click here, Copy and paste here, Go here, go there, go everywhere? Oh, and did You forget that I’m also directionally challenged?
God’s not amused or impressed with my doubt. Kind of made me think of Moses getting his edict to go to Pharaoh and command him to “Let My people go!” Moses: But, LORD, I stutter. Then there was Gideon, “Thou mighty man of valor.” Gideon: Who, me? And how about when Jesse paraded all of his sons before the prophet Samuel to see who would be anointed as the next king. Every one of them was rejected by the LORD when a baffled Samuel asked, “Are there anymore sons?” Jesse: “Well, yes, David, but he’s just a shepherd boy.”
Are you getting that I’m a bit overwhelmed? It’s reminiscent of the day I was released from the hospital with our twins. I didn’t know what to do with one baby let alone two. It’s true; they don’t come with an instruction manual. Naked you came into the world, naked you go out….
I can’t do this. But God can. Moses, Gideon, David, they all triumphed because they put their trust in God. That’s all He’s asking of me. That’s all He’s asking of you. Trust Me.
Okay. Take a deep breath. That settled, I went back to my site and stared at it again. All of my family has been watching me come undone for days now although my husband doesn’t know why.
“What do I write?” I wailed.
“Just be you,” my daughters encouraged. “You’re trying too hard.”
I continued to stare at my site. “Hey! I have a follower!”
Bob and I were watching Home Improvement the other night. I felt bad for Tim as his family treats his show like it’s nothing of consequence instead of their bread and butter. It spawned a curiosity in me.
“If I had a cooking show,” I asked Bob, “would you watch it?”
“No,” was his immediate reply. Seemed to me he could have at least considered it. I mean, I am the love of his life, aren’t I?
“If I had a hunting show, would you watch it?” he volleyed back.
“Probably not.” At least I hesitated. If I knew he’d talk about something interesting like our girls or me, probably. But I don’t want to hear about something gross like how old timer’s used to skin a pheasant by standing on its wings and tugging on its legs. Then again, he is my man. So, yeah, I’d probably watch him–at least occasionally.
I said all of that to say this: I know my husband is not my follower. As of this draft he isn’t even aware that God’s Word Girl exists. I figure if my visually stimulated husband wouldn’t watch me then he definitely won’t read me–especially since he’s a self-proclaiming hater of reading. There is no need for intervention, I will tell him…eventually.
I clicked on my follower fully anticipating that it was my mom since she inquired as to how to do that. (Yeah, she asked me as if I’d know). In my defense, I anticipated one lone follower because outside of Pastor, daughters, and me, Mum is the only one who currently knows about the birth of God’s Word Girl. Since moms are usually extraordinary supporters by nature which is what I currently need, I figured it was her. Boy was I surprised to discover the identity of my follower: me. Yep, with my picture and my email address. Unless I misunderstood, I am my one lone follower. I burst out laughing. I don’t even know how I did it. I am my administrator and my follower. Is that not scary? Seriously, stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this.
How many times have I tried to do things my way? How many times have I tried to “fix” things without first seeking the counsel of God? How many times have I wished I would have thought through my words twice before speaking once? How many times have I traveled down a road only to realize He never pointed me in that direction? Do you relate? How many times, how many failures, how many regrets, and yet…
God is good. And incredibly patient. Like Moses, Gideon and David, if I follow where He leads I will succeed in fulfilling His purpose. There’s no promise that it’s going to be easy. On the contrary. Jesus made a striking promise in John 16:33 when He said:
“These things have I spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation.”
Oftentimes I think we spend too much time focusing on the tribulation part instead of the next part:
“but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” And the computer, and technology, and blogging, etc., etc.
Yippee! Thank You, Jesus!
Now, if I will let Him overcome me we’ll really have something going.
Please be patient with me as my site is under construction. For that matter, so is my life. Is yours? If you’re living and breathing and striving to follow God, I’d say “Yes”. On that note, grant yourself a little added grace today. God isn’t asking for perfect performances, but He is asking for willing hearts. Join me and be one.