This post is dedicated to my Robert, “a great man of faith” ~ although he doesn’t realize it…yet. I love you.
In my estimation there are few things as bleak as literal dark and cold. Put them together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster of about every kind. Ever have a sick child? Ever been sick yourself? Isn’t it worse at 2 a.m. than it is in 2 in the afternoon? Ever needed, I mean needed to go to work or go to school or go grocery shopping or keep an appointment and cringe because it’s 4 degrees instead of say, 40? (Yes, I know my Florida friends are shivering at the thought of a modest 40 degrees).
We had yet another disappointment this past week. It was both dark and cold. It was so…disappointing, (that’s all I can think to say) that my husband gasped. Bob does not gasp, so hearing him do that made me spin around on my heel to see if maybe he was having a heart attack or something; he wasn’t. Thank God. But there we were, speechless as to yet another heart-breaking revelation, seeing yet one more thing that we were hoping for, praying for, believing for, slip from our fingers.
I do what I usually do when I’m upset: I went to the kitchen and got busy and kept quiet. At least that’s one thing I’ve learned, well, mostly learned 🙂 keep quiet. I still do find it a tall order at times but that evening I was so dumbfounded that my mouth was quiet even though my mind and my heart were turning rapid-fire. Bob joined me for a little while in the kitchen, neither one of us saying much because we simply didn’t know what to say.
A ray of sunshine broke through at the supper table when Bob shared our disappointment with the kids. I’m not going to tell you what Rachel said because it was specific for us, but I’ll give you the gist of it: “So, it’s not going to happen the way we thought. Maybe God is going to do it another way instead.” Huh.
I do some of my best thinking while in the shower and it was there that her words hit my mind and heart like a freight train. I let them absorb into me. I breathed them in and let them quiet me like the steam that opened my lungs and the warmth from the water that soothed my tired soul. Word mixed with water: what a wonderful combination. I became even more quiet and reflective.
There are promises I have been waiting for for years, actually, decades. And this recent heartbreak just sliced me again. Waiting and waiting and waiting wears on a soul. I found myself telling the LORD, “I am weary! LORD, hear me, I know that with You time is not but I am a vapor, remember? Jesus, tell Father what it’s like here, remind Him. I don’t have the luxury of waiting an eternity for things to come to pass here like You guys do.” A few days later I sensed Father saying to me, “Jesus came to Me and was saying something about time…” Ha, ha, ha. Yes, LORD, but I’m still waiting!
I wholly agree with Inigo Montoya: I HATE WAITING. That’s the weight of what I carried into the following morning. Yes, I had fresh faith, fresh eyes from Rachel’s passing statement, encouragement to think outside of the box and let God be God. I also, however, had residual pain so I prayed and admitted to God that I feel I’m in an emotional/spiritual tug-of-war of sorts. Oddly, I didn’t feel condemnation at my confession as I feared, but hope. A tug-of-war at least lends to a battle; I have not quit. I won’t quit.
I felt somewhat defeated when I thought about writing another post. I tire coming to the world-wide web, throwing out my fears, doubts, failings, and the like when I’d much rather come with a HALLELUJAH story. The thing is, I have a sneaking suspicion that most of you maybe feel the way I currently do or at least you have in the past. You’re banged up waiting for breakthrough but you’re willing to go on. I need encouragement myself and thought maybe some of you could use a little, too. I looked up some things that have been a blessing to me and I hope they will be a blessing to you. Here’s a short excerpt from Reverend Jesse Duplantis that may bolster you.
“Don’t bend to the pressure of time.” Doesn’t that seem impossible? But it isn’t. We know it isn’t or we’d all be dead from waiting. We go on because there’s no other agreeable choice. And we go on with Jesus because there is no better Companion.
I also want to encourage you with this song that I heard for the first time. Maybe I heard it before and didn’t realize it. I think a lot passes us by until we need it. Today, I must have needed it. Maybe you do, too.
Haven’t seen it…YET. Not yet isn’t never. Dear Heart, let’s not give up! God is worth the wait!
I know that today’s post is a little different from what I usually do, but I felt it was necessary. A lot of people are hurting and it seems we’re hurting for waiting and seeming unmet expectations. Such things can be so crushing. I said can be. That doesn’t mean that it will be and it certainly won’t be forever. As the saying goes, It ain’t over ’til it’s over…and it ain’t over yet. Let’s hold on together and trust the good LORD to bring beauty from the ashes of all of our broken dreams. He will fulfill every Word He’s ever spoken because He can not lie. Oh, don’t shrivel up waiting! Praise Him! For He is worthy, so worthy!
There is one more thing I feel compelled to leave you with today. It is the word: SUDDENLY. I hope you enjoy this devotion from Dr. Tony Evans as much as I did.
“I foretold the former things long ago; they came out of My mouth; I proclaimed them. Suddenly I acted, and they came to pass.” Isaiah 48:3 Berean Study Bible