Chaotic Peace

Ever have one of those seasons?

Years ago, while I was changing a morning diaper, I noticed a little spot on Beth’s leg.  Until I had cleaned her, changed her, and put her back together, she was covered with what we assumed to be hives.  I was terrified that her throat would eventually close.  We quickly loaded up the family and went to the e.r.  By the time we got there, there was nothing to see and nothing to do.  Thank God…kind of.  I was relieved but perplexed about the mystery.  What caused it?  Would it happen again?  Was it life threatening?

It was these thoughts that swamped my brain while we traveled home.  On a long stretch of highway not far from home is a little restaurant.  At the edge of their parking lot were two vehicles with teenage drivers idling side by side.  One driver, view of the highway blocked by his friend’s vehicle, not knowing why his buddy wasn’t pulling out, shot out of the parking lot and t-boned us.  As soon as we were parked, we jumped out and checked the girls’ status.  With all of the excitement that morning, the wreck barely jarred the sleeping babies.

I, however, was a mess.  I began to cry.  I wish I had refrained, but stress had gotten the better of me.  Now I was concerned for that boy who had to deal with my very well built, very large, very strong husband, whose very lovely babies quietly dozed, while his very petite wife was having a melt down in the restaurant’s parking lot.  Bob handled himself quite well, by the way.  But our day didn’t end there.

When we came home, there was a message on our machine.  Bob’s paternal grandmother, with whom I had shared so many fascinating conversations and laughs, and loved her like my own, was dying.  As you can imagine, many more tears followed.

Life is one big bulldozer bucket-full of awful sometimes.  And that’s how I’ve been feeling off and on for several months due situations that are beyond my control.  Then again, as I’m fond of telling the girls, we don’t have the power to control or change anything but our attitudes.  So, I guess what I really needed was an attitude adjustment…and lots of prayer…and release through lots of tears.

To tell you the truth, not much has changed at all except for my attitude.  What brought the change?  A relinquishing of what ails me to God’s capable hands.  I realized I had to cast away some cares when my youngest said she wanted her mum back.  She said it was like I was in a depression.  I myself felt like I was under a dark cloud.  I could not continue that way when the Hope of Glory lives within.  Some care casting away was in order.

The time following the casting away was most precious.  In the quiet one morning the LORD whispered to me, “I’ve been waiting for a while now for you to calm down.  We need to talk.”

He proceeded to tell me some things that are coming and how I am to handle them.  He gave me a time frame.  He cautioned me.  I can’t ever remember a time in my life when He laid so much out in front of me like that.  Is it fearful?  Yes and no.  No, because I know that He’s in it.  Yes, because there’s always fear in the unknown.  I still don’t know the details.  It’s kind of  like when Jesus hopped in the boat with His disciples and gave them an edict to go to the other side.  They didn’t know what it was all about, they simply obeyed.  Despite Jesus’ presence, the storm still came.  But because of His presence so came the peace that calmed the storm.  That’s Who’s living inside of me.  So even though I don’t know the details, I know He’s in my boat and we’ll safely get to the other side.

There is perfect peace even in the storms of life.  His name is Jesus.

This song from Sanctus Real brought peace to me through a time of transition 10 years ago.  Maybe it’ll do the same again for me and for you.

Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.   Isaiah 54:10  NIV